The Journey

Below is a portion of something I wrote 4 months after my wife died.

"I don't want this journey.  But I must walk this journey.  I must continue pushing forward one step at at time.  I cannot run from this journey, for this journey follows me wherever I go.  How long will this journey last?  I must push through the pain, the sadness, the confusion, and the doubts.  It is really not me pushing forward, it is God who is calling me forward.  It is God who is calling out, 'don't quit.' It is God who picks me up when I fall and whispers in my ear, 'I promise that I will turn this journey into a blessing.'  It is God who has witnessed my every tear, heard my every cry of pain, and listened to my every word.  I begged God, please don't make me walk this journey.  God reminded me his Son said similar words in a garden when he faced a dark journey; a journey that was for me.  So I realize this journey is not just about me, it is about all those who are connected to me in this life.  It is about letting my light shine in the darkest moment of my life.  This journey is about God's power in one who feels powerless, and about God's victory in one who is feeling the pain of battle."